Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
