I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
