I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
