Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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