What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Enjoy the penises
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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