I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
