mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
