i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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