Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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