I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
