I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
