What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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