similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
