I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
