You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
