No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
