god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
