How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
