My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
