What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
