I want to have your abortion
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
