I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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