If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
