Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
