it hurts more in the daytime
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
