is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
