I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just invented taco cereal.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
