if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
