I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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