This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
