he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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