I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
