i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
