Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize