you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
