Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
