So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
