I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
