Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
