So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
