I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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