Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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