Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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