dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
