She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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