No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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