So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
