i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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