I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
