is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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