So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
