it wasn't lemon gatorade
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
