Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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