Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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