I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
