she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
