his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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