I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
