I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
