i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
