He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
