Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
