Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
