Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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