we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
