I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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