Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
