i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
