I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
