i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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