What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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